Wednesday, April 29, 2015

What if?

Is it ridiculous to be as afraid as I am of those two, simple words? Fear is a tricky thing and, unfortunately, fear of the unknown is not something that can be squashed like a spider or avoided like heights or a clown. It is always there, looming in the back of your mind like a dark cloud; eating away at your resolve. What if I can't find another job? What if two employers offer me a position and I have to make a difficult/life-changing decision? What if he doesn't like me? What if I make a fool of myself? What if I try my hardest and still never amount to anything? On and on it goes until that dark cloud turns into a raging storm, brewing just beneath your skin. The only remedy is patience, which is something that I was never any good at...

What if I let everyone down? What if something doesn't work out? What if I say the wrong thing? What if I say that right thing but someone else is more qualified, more knowledgeable, prettier? The truth of the matter is, sitting here and trying to puzzle out the future does not give me any answers; it only results in a pounding headache.

So then why can't I let it go?

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