July 3, 2015

Dear July,

You are full of surprises.

A trip to the zoo, a cracked phone, a visit from a very dear friend; you are only three days old, and I am already reeling from the things you are throwing my way. Not that I'm complaining. The shattered phone aside, I am gad that my new-found confidence has presented itself in ways that are both productive and spontaneous, especially because this time last year, I never would have made plans with someone a few hours in advance, even if that someone was a friend (I usually need a few days, at least). Today, I decided that it was time I met up with Kayla, my high school BFF and someone that I haven't seen in almost a year due to our conflicting schedules and my conflicting mood. I was never any good at spontaneity, and even worse with social interactions, so planning meetups was not something I did or followed through with very often. Kayla was—and remains—the sister to my soul, and I am so incredibly glad that I was able to throw caution and planning to the wind and enjoy myself without worrying about time, awkwardness, and my own inner struggles. Ten points to Gryffindor.

You will also be proud to know, July, that I have finally begun studying for my driver's license! I haven't told my family yet—I don't want to get their hopes up and then fail spectacularly—but I will. Just considering going after this is a huge step for me. I hope you continue to push me on this incredible path, July. We're going places, you and I.

. . . .

"Dear July" was borrowed from Carrie Fletcher who based her series off of fellow Youtuber, Emily.

July 2, 2015

Dear July,

A few days ago, I lost one of my rabbits. She was only a year old, in excellent health, and was going in to be spayed by one of our favorite animal doctors. Everything was fine until she appeared to experience some sort of reaction to the anesthesia and had trouble waking up after the surgery. The vet tried for thirty minutes to get her heart rate back up but was unsuccessful, and I received a phone call shortly afterward, telling me that she had passed away. To say that I was "devastated" would be an understatement. You were never given the opportunity to meet her, July. And now you never will.

In December, my sister adopted a seven-month old rabbit from a local family and ended up giving her to me for my birthday; a little white ball of fluff with beautiful gray markings around her mouth/nose and down her back. She was gorgeous and I was in love. After owning Louis—a dwarf—for two years, holding a full-sized bunny, even a young one, was an extremely amusing experience and we brought her home immediately. I spent about an hour thinking up names before I decided that she looked like an Ellington. Ellie, for short. You would have loved her, July. She was loving, cuddly and very, very outspoken; always thumping her feet when she was upset or I wasn't placing food in front of her fast enough. She was a character and I still cannot believe that she is gone.

Isn't it funny, July, how a furry little creature can become such an integral part of our every day lives? They become a member of the family in a way that you almost don't expect; always there for you, offering sympathy and cuddles or smiles and laughter. They make an impact in only the best of ways, and this is the aspect that makes them so human-like, it is difficult for us when their short lives come to an end. How wonderful it is, though, that we can love something or someone so much that saying goodbye becomes so very hard. My heart is broken and yet, I am grateful for her existence and the impact she had on my life, even if it only lasted six months.

I'm sorry you didn't get to meet her, July. She was one helluva gal.

. . . . 

"Dear July" was borrowed from Carrie Fletcher who based her series off of fellow Youtuber, Emily.

July 1, 2015

Dear July,

Welcome back.

So much has changed since your last visit, I wonder if you would even recognize the person that I have become. In a lot of ways, I am better: stronger, more outgoing and enthusiastic, unafraid to speak my mind, more willing to stand up for myself if the situation calls for it... In other ways, I am much, much different — shaped by changes that were forced upon me by situations beyond my control. It is these differences that seem to continually overshadow all of the good that has occurred during your absence, July, and for that, I am discouraged. Also, I have short hair now. It's amazing what a year can accomplish.

I look forward to the next 31 days, July; the warm, sticky weather and long, lazy afternoons. Though I am working two jobs right now, I am excited to spend my evenings walking in the woods or around town, listening to music and watching daylight's final moments — just before it slips into the evening's gentle embrace. There is a reason that summer is my favorite season and you are one of my favorite months, after all. So much is going on, and yet you progress at your own, reluctant pace; seeming to slow down despite the world's pressure to speed up. I have a lot to learn from you.

It's good to have you back, July. Let's rekindle our friendship and have some fun, shall we?

. . . .

"Dear July" was borrowed from Carrie Fletcher who based her series off of fellow Youtuber, Emily.