The Answer

That moment —

you know the one I'm talking about, right?

The one between sleep and awake when

suddenly,

you have a thought.

A perfect, simple little thought,

that exists on a plane untouched by the trials of life and hardship.

A thought to solve that problem

- the one that has been plaguing you all week - 

 a way to end world hunger,

to invent time travel,

meet a difficult goal.

To your exhausted mind, it is world changing,

life altering, problem-defying.

It is there, glaringly obvious at the front of your mind

for one, precious moment.

But, in the second

between one, slow blink and the next,

as your mind becomes aware of your body,

it disappears

or is attacked,

as they always are,

by logic and reason.

Conscious, the thought seems less like an answer

and more like a naive musing.

But, for that one moment,

it was powerful and hopeful,

and exactly what you were looking for,

and you spend the rest of your life

trying to get that feeling back.

Dear Future Self...

The future is a scary thing and—truthfully—I have only ever had a vague understanding of what, exactly, I would like to see myself doing in blank number of years. Obviously, no one ever really knows what will happen tomorrow, let alone ten years from now, but wandering around without a blueprint in hand sounds like the start of a hideous, crumbling disaster. Perhaps it is time I give it some thought.

One Year From Now... (26)

▫ Nearly finished with college
▫ Have some money saved up
▫ Own a driver's license


Three Years From Now... (28)

▫ Work in a job related to my major
▫ Live on my own


Five Years From Now... (30)

▫ Married
▫ Published/working on publishing a book


Ten Years From Now... (35)

▫ Have started a family
▫ Have more than one book written and/or published



It will be interesting to look back on this in a few years and compare/contrast. Hello, Future Self!

What if?

Is it ridiculous to be as afraid as I am of those two, simple words? Fear is a tricky thing and, unfortunately, fear of the unknown is not something that can be squashed like a spider or avoided like heights or a clown. It is always there, looming in the back of your mind like a dark cloud; eating away at your resolve. What if I can't find another job? What if two employers offer me a position and I have to make a difficult/life-changing decision? What if he doesn't like me? What if I make a fool of myself? What if I try my hardest and still never amount to anything? On and on it goes until that dark cloud turns into a raging storm, brewing just beneath your skin. The only remedy is patience, which is something that I was never any good at...

What if I let everyone down? What if something doesn't work out? What if I say the wrong thing? What if I say that right thing but someone else is more qualified, more knowledgeable, prettier? The truth of the matter is, sitting here and trying to puzzle out the future does not give me any answers; it only results in a pounding headache.

So then why can't I let it go?

Monday Blues

If Friday is my favorite day of the week, then Monday would be my least. Waking up groggy and disoriented—tired no matter how many hours of sleep you received the night before—is never a good start to the week. And yet, that is the vicious cycle of "Monday." Unlike Friday, there are no moments of promised relaxation and quiet to look forward to; no time to sit down and gather your thoughts between one day and the next. There are only yawns and droopy eyelids, long work days and early mornings. Even before I manage to pull myself out of bed, I am longing for the comfort of warm pajamas and a soft blanket once again. Mondays make the week seem endless, the situations more stressful and the headaches more pronounced.

I yearn for Friday.